Parental Love in Parenthesis

"i was in the study room watching lakehouse with my sister (its a really nice show) and someone calls the house. so the phone rings and my brother picks up. then he starts to walk to the study room. then my dad ask him rudely "is it for dominc" then my brother said it is for agneta (my younger sis). then after that my dad says as a remark that his waiting for "dominic's boyfriend" to call.... i mean WHAT THE FUCK ...."

his parents know...
I just have a gut feeling that they know everything.... more then I ever expect them to know...

... much more then what he has expected them to know...

What is wrong??

What is wrong with me loving him?
What is wrong that he loves me so much that he, by nature being an obedient kid... would defy all odds and circumstances... to love me in return?...

why?...

I mean... I'm not some street pickup that will teach your son bad values?
I don't stay out late every night and patronize bars and clubs regularly...

I work extremely hard for what I value in life..
I have achieve good results for the efforts that I put in...

I love God, I love the people around me..
I love my parents and my brothers too...

I know the world, I've seen the world and I've felt the world...

I'm not weak. I can fight, and I can protect...
I'm not poor. I can spend and I can earn...
I'm not sick. I can do twelve pull ups and a hundred push ups without flinching.

If thats not enough,

I'm ready to keep your son close in my arms, safe and warm from the vicious world...


Likewise, I'm sure he will do it for me too...


Why?...

it hurts... all I want to do is to get you to like me and accept me...

if you tear us apart... what do you get in return?

what can you earn but tears, bitter resentment and the assurance that you've scarred your dear son's heart permernantly?..


I don't even want to think....


Its not just puppy love.... don't you see?
Its the love that binds two people together since the dawn of time...


Just close your eyes and think... what do you get out of it?









I love Dominic.

nothing can change that.

not you. not him. not anybody.

when the world goes wrong...

He loves you...

but the world tears him apart....

Silently, at the corner... with no one to hold on to... no one to cry on...


For once, its beyond my power to do anything...

Once again... I feel helpless as the throes of fate tosses me helplessly against insufferable reality...

If there was anything physical strength could accomplish, I'd move the world for you...
If there was anything knowledge could accomplish, I'd find it for you...
If there was anything money could accomplish, I'd earn it for you...

no.. I'm not joking... I love you THAT much...

but when it comes to parents....

... *cries*

I wish I could do something to help you ease your pain...

Its hard to come out of the closet to your parents.. but like what I said, its better sooner then later right?...

It hurts me to see you being the object of suspicion and distrust... I don't know if your parents will ever like me...
but one thing is for sure, I'll try... at every chance that I can get...

In my life, there if there is one of the few things I'm proud of, is that there are very very few people who dislike me...
because basically, I try my best to please people...

but what can I do when people hate me even before I meet them?...



sobz...

I called him today..

and his dad picked up the phone...

I said "Hi! Is Dominic in?"

and he turned around and said, "Its that guy who calls you every night. Your stupid boyfriend lah!"

I cried...

I guess he couldnt hear... but nobody has called me stupid so blatently before...

but I didnt cry because of that... I know I'm not stupid...

its because for once, I felt the full blow of hatred from his parents...

His dad was really bitter about me calling...



what can I do??


*cries*... I just want to bury my head and cry myself to sleep.....

Cute Worms

Haha.. this is really cute.... The worm is sooo cute..

Since I'm waiting for RJ to restore her computer, I'd do quizzies!

10 favs:

1) television: don't really like television programmes... is Pokemon counted?

2) flower : sunflowers x)

3) color: bright orange, neon green, black, white and blue

4) sport: swimming

5) mall: Vivocity.. lolz

6) music: soft, love songs... techno, dance and electronica

7) food: a hell lot.... I like most food, except blend food, which includes broth, porridge etc.

8) season: I love spring! Its the time where its most cooling, yet there's sun as well.... and everybody is cheerful =)

9) pet: Golden retriever or guinea pig x)

10) city: singapore?



10 facts:

1. hometown : Singapore

2. hair color: currently, light brown

3. hair length: mid-long

4. hair style: ultra-layered

5. eye color: brown

6. shoe size: 8

7. mood: sleepy... and a bit stressed

8. sexuality: I like guys. Explains it all?

9. status: attached.

10. lefty/righty: righttt



10 things about your love life:

1. have you ever been in love: yeah... still am

2. do you believe in love: definately

3. why did your last relationship fail: over-possesiveness..

4. have you ever been heartbroken: too many times i guess

5. have you ever broken someone's heart: I did..

6. have you ever fallen for your best friend: haha.. yeah.

7. have you ever loved someone but never told them: yeah.. its like a silent wait you know... but its worth it

8. are you afraid of commitment: a bit, but as long as my other half is willing to go through with me, I'm afraid of nothing.

9. have you ever kissed someone you liked: yup. like my boyfriend?

10. have you ever had a secret admirer: errr.. i think so.

10 things this or that:

1. love or lust: love. only love.

2. hard liquor or beer : none

3. night or day: evening?

4. one night stands or relationships: relationships...

5. televison or internet: internet

6. pepsi or coke: Pepsi =)

7. wild night out or romantic night in: Romantic night in..

8. colored or black and white: colored?

9. phone or in person: in person..

10. aim or myspace: none.



10 are you..??

1. are you missing someone right now: yeah... really badly

2. are you happy: better then usual

3. are you talking to anyone right now: no..

4. are you bored: ya..

5. are you german: wth. no!

6. are you irish: no.....

7. are you french: -.-

8. are you police: the police asked me to join them though

9. are your parents still married : yeah

10. do you like someone right now: i love someone now... is that it?

Yaay! my 100th Quizzy!

-Where were you 3 hours ago?
+ In church, having band practice

-Who are you in love with?
+ Dominic!! haha.. and myself.. =)

-Have you ever eaten a crayon?
+ CRAYON?? YUCKS!!!! wth?

-Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
+ umm.. yeah.. photo album...

-When is the last time you went to the mall?
+ Yesterday? Was at Tangs... kenna cheated into filming some dumb shopping event.

-When was the last time you saw the person u love?
+ long.. long long long time ago... But I have his picture on my phone! so I see him like every 15 mins.. x)

-When was the last time you drove out of town?
+ I live in town, I don't drive, therefore, I've never driven out of town before.

-Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
+ nah...

-Are you hot?
+ I think I'm quite ok looking... I dont have the ability to rate myself...

-What was the last thing you had to drink?
+ ice water... (I'm kinda put of sweet stuff, after I found out something awful about myself)

-What are you wearing right now?
+ Dark blue running shorts, Quiksilver tee

-Do you wash your car or let the car wash itself?
+ ..... I don't own a car.. yet.

-Last food that you ate?
+ some spicy scallop with garlicky spare rip thingie...

-Where were you last week at this time?
+ Sitting at the void deck downstairs, talking to Dominic..

-Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
+ umm.. nope.... kinda broke

-When is the last time you ran?
+ Yesterday.. rushed down after work immediately because I thought I was late for the shopping event

-What's the last sporting event you watched?
+ Is Hide and Seek with Hello Kitty counted??.. #&*@

-What is your favorite animal?
+ Golden retrievers, and Guinea pigs... x)

-Your dream vacation?
+ Somewhere I can spend alot of money on myself and the person I love, and do lots of stuff I don't normally get to do! so.. I guess it would be Phuket or Bali or something like dat lah..

-Last person's house you were in?
+ can't.. remember....

-Have you been in love?
+ Yup.... still deeply in love now...

-Do you miss anyone right now?
+ yeah... Dominic... I just want to hug him tight now...

-What are your plans for tonight?
+ Try and finish a nice portion of Dominic's present..

-Who is the last person you sent a friendster message to?
+ eh... Desmond, my old primary school friend...

-What is the next trip you are going to take?
+ I'm not sure also.... dear... where do you wanna go?

-Ever go camping?
+ YUP! Looove camps! x)

-What do you want to know about the future?
+ If the person I love will still love me 50 years down the road...

-Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
+ nope... just bathed

-Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
+ yeah.. but blood analysis should be out in 2 weeks i think...

-Where is your best friend(s)?
+ hmmm.. some are in internship, some are currently slacking at home..

-Who is (are) your best friend(s)?
+ The ASH =)

-Whats your favorite song?
+ Tong Hua, by Guang Liang, and Bu Dong, by Lin Jun Jie
as well as Little Supergirl by Corrine May

-What are you listening to right now?
+ Nothing... the silent erratic rythem of traffic 25 floors below, and the sound of keyboard typing..

-Do you collect anything?
+ hmm. yeah. Gravitation comics... wahaha... I collect Shonen-Ai pictured too..

-What does your last text message say?
+ Yup... Looks nice - by Dominic

-Do you like hot sauce?
+ Yup yup, cant survive without it

-Last time you took a shower?
+ 30 mins ago...

-Are you someone's best friend?
+ Yeah. I think I'm lots of people's best friend...

-Are you rich?
+ no. I'm beyond poor.

-Are you smart?
+ I think I'm slightly smarter then the average person, but that's only because I contemplate alot only..

Information Overload!!!

I'm learning alot of things in my internship...

The lecturers were right, within these 3 weeks alone, I have learnt so much more then anything that could be taught in poly....

My Final Cut Pro editing skills has soared wayyy high up

- I've learnt how to batch, capture and rewrite timecode
- I've learnt how to differentiate between stuffs like Firewire DV Pal, Firewire DV Basic, General NTSC and so forth
- I've learnt how to properly manipulate the camera to get shots that look professional without using professional equipment
- I've learnt how use the various compressors available for Final Cut pro, and the use for the different formats
- I've learnt how to use Sountrack Pro (note to lecturers who may be reading my blog: GET SOUNDTRACK PRO!!! ITS SOOO MUCH BETTER THEN THE THING WE HAVE IN THE STUDIO!!)
- I've learnt how to edit clips to cater to various occassions, [i.e. general interviews, MTV style, trailers.. etc.]

ok. thats merely for Final Cut Pro alone

I learnt how to use Dreamweaver 8 too!
I was never really good at using Dreamweaver, though I could make a basic page and stuff... but still, there was lots to learn!

- I've learnt what the difference betwen remote/local/testing servers
- I've learnt how to use the various shotcut scripts
- I've learnt how to use FCP transfer protocol programmes
- I've learnt how to use JAlbum, a photo album creating software

I'm much better at Photoshop too!

- I've learnt how to use the scripting and action commands
- I've learnt how to use the automate and batch commands
- I've learnt how to use Adobe Bridge
- I've learnt how to use balance the colors uniformly within a set of photographs

WOW!!

I can't believe I've learnt so much within 3 weeks.
THREE WEEKS!!

Though school life definately gave me the basics, frankly, nothing can prepare a person for working life..... really.

The stress, the working hours.... to a certain extent, the people also....

Ok. For those who think that they've got it bad. Think again. You work for standard working hours from 8-5 (or 6 for some), but count yourself lucky that you dont have to stay up until 10+ or 11 on a regular basis to complete assignments.

and of course, not to mention working on Saturdays AND Sundays. (depending on shoots of course)

BUT!!! Dont get me wrong. I'm not complaining!! I'd never change my internship for any other offers in the world!!!

I still think its super duper fun!

Rushing to film celebrities and interview them, getting to play games that are not even released on the market...
... getting to shake hands with Julien Hee...

I mean... this is the life I always dreamed what my job after poly would be like...

A media technologist..

Currently, because I'm always so willing to help out in every single department, I've learnt to do the work of an AV Producer, a cameraman, a Content Producer and a Web Designer. Which are all various sections of STOMP...
(they call me Mr. "Yes Yes" - because everytime someone asks me for help, I'll say "yes!".. haha)

Its really tough, and I think I squint alot when I face tough stuff... such as when I learnt the file transfer protocol system from Deborah...
I think I nearly pulled out all my hair, coz everybody was so busy also...

[it was 22 November, if you remember the Straits Times front page, there was the picture of the big fumes cloud by Shell]

oh yah, and within 2 weeks, MY NAME HAS ALREADY BEEN ON NEWSPAPER!!!

wahaha. My friends have namecards, but my name is on the Straits Times. BEAT THAT!

lol. Check out 19 November's Sunday Times 3rd page on the Polyclinic!
Its written that the photographs were by me.

haha!. no lah, actually... it was taken by Jeanette. But some mishandlings and miscommunications caused it to have my name written there.

but oh well. all for the best xD


hmm.. and I learnt another thing also... that the Content Producers are like Gods in STOMP... coz the videos have to cater to whatever they want... similar to a director...

Admittedly, I got pissed with one of them, coz that person kept cutting, redoing, destroying my animations and layouts...
but again, Jeanette nicely told me that they're my immediate superiors, so I must always "ren".

wahaha.

I love Jeanette. She's soo uber cool lah... You know, I always thought that editors were all guys, and girls hate doing these kinda stuff.. but when I met Jeanette, my polarized opinions immediately melted..

she's uber hardworking (like working 4am to 10 pm at night!!!)
she's uber nice (she always ask me to eat lunch, and will teach me patiently if I dunno anything)
she's uber happy (she's always smiling!! and that makes me happy too! I mean, what better way to brighten a workplace!)

hahahah..

I think I write too much already lah...

But what the heck.. its a friday, and a Shopping event got cancelled... thats why I'm here with my legs up and writing on my blog..


miss Dominic though...
hope he's doing ok at work too....

14 Ways To Be A Champion

1. Compliment three people everyday.

2. Watch a sunrise at least once a year.

3. Be the first to say hello.

4. Live beneath your means.

5. Treat everyone like you would want to be treated .

6. Never give up on anybody; miracles happen !

7. Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.

8. Pray not for things, but for wisdom and courage.

9. Be tough-minded, but tenderhearted.

10. Be kinder than necessary.

11. Keep your promises.

12. Learn to show cheerfulness, even when you don't feel like it.

13. Remember that overnight success usually takes about 15 years.

14. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

Author Unknown